Names I Have Been Called

by Alex Krasser

    Published in IC Stillwater Magazine, 2009

It. The Accident. God’s Gift. The Baby. Sweet Thing. The Bundle. The Bump. The Hump. The Mound. The Parasite. The Fuzzy Blob On The Screen. Her. The Little Kicker. Seven Months. Premature. My Little Baby, My Little Girl. Rebecca. Rebecca Erin MacDowell. The Baby. Teeny-Tiny. 6-10-62. Lucky. The Premie. Precious. Glass Girl. Little One. The Newcomer. The Blessing. Miracle-Girl. Baby Becca. The Critter. Tiny Magoo. Baby Jane. The Little MacDowell. Toot. Beanie. Cutsie Wootsie-kins. Woojiewoojie. Jigger. Daddy’s Little Princess. The Queen of the Fairies. Little Tiger. Kiddo. Slim-Willy. Becky. Rebecca. Rebecca Erin! Rebecca Erin MacDowell! The Human Tornado. Hurricane Rebecca. Mommy’s Little Headache. Jesus Christ! Our Own Personal Satan. A Mess. Miss Piggy. Baby Doll. Mommy’s Brave Little Trooper. Rebecca from Tolland. The Ballerina. Thomasina Thumb. Bundle of Energy. A Handful. The Shrieker. Princess Aurora. Share-Buddy. Clementine. Stupid-Head. Ugly-Face. Brat. Godzilla. Gumby. Toothpick. Twiggy. Twigarino. Twiggy Von Twiggerstein. Twig Twig Twiggy Twig Twig Twig. The Twigster. Twiiiiigs. Boney MacDowell. Boney Magee. Becky. MacDowell, Rebecca. Class Reader. Line Leader. Birthday Girl. Metal Mouth. Tinsel Teeth. Four-Eyes. Freckles. Little Becky Two-Shoes. Daddy’s Girl. Geography Bee Runner Up. Cheater. Teacher’s Pet. Ugly. Stick-Bug Girl. Dr. Bones. Underweight. Too-Skinny. Becca. Rebecca MacDowell, Student of the Month. Dork. Lame-oid. Third Flute. Soprano II. Ensemble Member. Miss Hannigan. Miss Adelaide. Tzeitel. Class Actress. Number 3. Rebecca Erin MacDowell. Miss Graduate. Freshman. Fresh Meat. Class Secretary. Suck-Up. Smart-Ass. Brown-Noser. MacDowell, Rebecca. Becky. Beck. Rudie. Hey MacDowell. Prude. Skinny-Ass Ho. Anorexia Poster-Child. All Elbows. Drama Club Treasurer. Juliet Capulet. Second Flute. Late-Bloomer. Frigid Bitch. Cold-Snatch. Slim Pickens. Bigfoot. The Skull. The Sponge. The Quiz-Kid. Fashionista. Queen Bitch. Virgin. Stuck-Up Cunt. Becky. Hey You. Party-Animal. Drunkie. Cheap Date. Hard Lay. Pot-Head. Slut. The Scratcher. Jane The Ripper. Wild Child. Winter Storm Becky. Crazy Bitch. Troublemaker. Rebecca Erin MacDowell Number 082479-17. Disappointment. Rebecca, My Most Important Patient. Troubled. Hard-Worker. Victim of Circumstances. Reborn. Becky. A Different Person. Hey Beautiful. That Special Someone. Girlfriend. Study-Machine. Hey Stranger. Class Academic. Most Likely to Succeed. Mrs. Salutatorian. Class of 1980. Lucky Girl. Class of 1984. Freshman. Undeclared. My College Girl. Bad Girlfriend. Busy. Workaholic. All Apologies. Hey You. Fucking Hot. Oh Yes Becky Yes! Cheater. Bitch. Lying Whore. Slut. Cunt. Succubus. Heartbreaker. Death Incarnate. Satan Herself. Night-Rider. Hey Becky. Cold. Focused. Roomie. Rebecca. Becky. Erin. MacDowell. Beckymacdowell. REM. Ms. MacDowell. Becky Mac. Becky M. Rebecca Erin. Mac. BMD. Dr. Love, Sexologist Extraordinaire. Bestie. Party Girl. Hey You. One-Nighter. The Fling. The Girlfriend. Sweet Thing. Queen of the Realm. Lovergirl. My Slender Princess. The Supermodel. Teeny. Health-Conscious. Health-Nut. Vegetarian. Lactard. Vegan. Psychology Major. Cleopatra. Love of My Life. Rebecca Erin MacDowell. Class of 1984. City-Girl. Roommate. Indecisive. Aimless. Becky, Your Server For The Evening. Fiancée. Rebecca Erin MacDowell. Rebecca Erin Stewart. Mrs. Anthony Corvis Stewart. Boopee. Sweet Thing. Rebecca Stewart. Woman. Wife. Homemaker. Trapped. Hey You. Oh Yes Becky Yes! Mistress. Slut. Lying Whore. The Respondant. The Counter-Petitioner. Rebecca Erin MacDowell. Single. Shift Manager. Our Valued Wine Of The Month Club Member. Lacking Purpose. Single White Female Looking For Single White Male. Grad-School Applicant. First-Year Grad Student With A Focus On Nutrition. That Pretty Thing At The End Of The Bar. Second-Date MacDowell. Sweet Girl. Girlfriend. Suzie-Q. Health-Freak. Damn-Fine Chef. Hard-Worker. The Machine. The Word-Processor. Top Of Her Class. Registered Dietician. Apologizing Nancy. Love Of My Life. Fiancée. Rebecca Erin MacDowell. Rebecca Erin MacDowell-Gustavson. Baby Girl. Independent Business-Owner. Workaholic. M.I.A. Life-Saver. Obsessed. Gym-Rat. Hey You! Cock-Tease. Noble Bitch. My Wife. Becky. Oh Yes Becky Yes! Puke-y Magee. Pregnant. Preggo. Plumping Up. Glowing. Fat. Curvy! Proud Mother. Mama. Mommy. Mom. Ma. Rebecca.